Super-TV-Hero Ben Fogle is the latest victim of the animal's never ending quest to take a piece out of every person in the country.
As the article states;
"Fogle has presented numerous programmes including BBC's Animal Park, Wild In Africa, Countryfile, Crufts, One Man and His Dog and Extreme Dreams."
So this fella knows his way around a beast (That's not a slight against his missus by the way) and yet he was still a victim. This shows the strength, guile and hate within the mind of man's greatest enemy.
How much longer must the government delay my right to fight back? The only language these psychopaths understand is a pack of (remarkably friendly to people) killer hunting dogs.
Or could there be another way? My research - prompted by the raging fear of being mauled to death I've recently developed - has uncovered another weapon in our armoury, in an unlikely package - Hairy American rock band Creed
According to some bloke on the internet (so you know it's true) a 13 year old Norwegian boy fended off a wolf attack by playing them a blast of his favourite post-grunge bad boys.
Wolves are more sophisticated than our British foxes so it won't take such a credible guitar based attack vehicle as Creed. I imagine we could enlist out of favour 70's superstars Status Quo.
|That's right Basil I'm coming for you|
Three chords is their weapon of choice and once the onslaught begins there won't be enough bins for the evil ginger maniacs to cower inside in the land.
There's not an animal alive that can act nonchalantly while faced with a never-ending wall of "Whatever you want". It worked in Guantanamo Bay, it'll work in Guildford.
Game over Basil.Tweet