Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Is George Osborne a psychopath?

And by that I don't mean that he murders street kids after enticing them into his hired Lexus with promises of free smack and Polish vodka. I've not found any evidence that he's done this and frankly you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking he's got corpses stashed in a Big Yellow Storage depot in Croydon and holds tea parties with them dressed up as impish Victorian urchins. This is unlikely to have happened.

There's no evidence he's
killed anyone

No, I wonder how his behaviour would contrast with a diagnosed psychopath if they had been delivering the budget speech today.

Psychopathy can be diagnosed utilising a 20 point checklist devised by a Dr. Hare. The 20 traits described include; glib and superficial charm, shallow affect, cunning and manipulativeness, lack of remorse or guilt and juvenile delinquency amongst others.

George's Hookers and Coke youth accounts for the last point but in his selling of the upper tax bracket reduction is there evidence of other, sociopathic, traits?

There's no doubt about about his glib charm, his smarmyness knows little bounds so what about the others?

Imagine if there was a psychopath who was desperate to pay less tax but was in such a position that criminally evading payment would be spotted in an instant, if he was chancellor for instance. Do you not think he'd use his cunning and manipulativeness to make sure that people thought his tax bill was bad for them? Using all his super - psycho powers to get the media on side and drip feed a narrative that him being out of pocket was bad for everyone, rich and poor alike.

Then when it had been kicked through into law he could show a complete lack of remorse by pointing out that it wasn't such a big deal anyway, after all it raised "next to nothing". That next to nothing was in fact one billion pounds, enough to "Provide hope" to 160,000 youngsters according to the Deputy Prime Minister.

Looking through the other dozen or so Psycho traits here I score Mr Osbourne as a conservative 22 points out of Peter Sutcliffe possible 40. Not enough to be a full blown nutjob but maybe a man who has criminal tendencies.

So if he's not mental then the 10% tax cut for Britain's wealthiest must be solely down to self serving greed and the sexually motivated murders are just a hobby.

Disclaimer : George Osborne, wall paper heir and chancellor of the exchequer, does not kill homeless people for sexual kicks. Or for their money.
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Thursday, 8 March 2012

Eat Bananas and look buff

As if keeping you regular isn't enough reason to chow down on a cherry or munch on a melon it's a delight to find out that finishing your greens also makes you better looking.

Praise Tescos, could this be the panacea that people who resemble Bulldogs licking piss off a nettle have been waiting for? Is it likely we'll catch Michael Gove filling his face with Brussel sprouts so he doesn't scare children - something you'd think would be a pre-requisite for an Education minister.

"You want me..."

Unfortunately for the world's munters leek and potato soup doesn't lead to a head transplant. What Tamara Cohen tells us is the best you can hope for is a slight change in face colour moving from a pasty hue to a more pleasing shade of skin. Scientists have used a camera that can detect the tiny changes in the colour of your skin after pursuing a healthy diet, changes that render you more pretty.

The Mail then treats us to a before and after photo showing this amazing revelation.

With chips and without chips

Now I know what you're thinking, that's just the same photo with the hue changed in photoshop. Well shame on you, this is science & tech we're discussing here, it says so on the Mail online header. There can be no doubt that this image was taken from that special camera Miss Cohen was banging on about earlier. Thinking differently makes you a science denier like one of those swivel eyed numpties who wear tin foil hats and insist God made Eve out of BBQ ribs or something.

Indeed a quick search of Medline allows you to find the original paper and here there are more revelations. Depending on the type of fruit or vegetable you indulge in you will enjoy a tiny, imperceptible, change in the colour of your skin. Now under normal circumstances this would not be noticeable to the naked eye, but luckily using the same camera as before you get these startling results.

Eat too many tomatoes and the Lycopene lends your appearance a rouge hue;
This is science, right here.

A diet rich in plums leads to a delicate pinkish glow;
Keep carrier bags away from children
And finally the king of fruits; lager. Picked from the thorny Anheuser Bush this tasty berry was a favourite of George Best and lent him his healthy yellow sheen.
Maggie Simpson grows up

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