Eat Bananas and look buff

As if keeping you regular isn't enough reason to chow down on a cherry or munch on a melon it's a delight to find out that finishing your greens also makes you better looking.

Praise Tescos, could this be the panacea that people who resemble Bulldogs licking piss off a nettle have been waiting for? Is it likely we'll catch Michael Gove filling his face with Brussel sprouts so he doesn't scare children - something you'd think would be a pre-requisite for an Education minister.

"You want me..."

Unfortunately for the world's munters leek and potato soup doesn't lead to a head transplant. What Tamara Cohen tells us is the best you can hope for is a slight change in face colour moving from a pasty hue to a more pleasing shade of skin. Scientists have used a camera that can detect the tiny changes in the colour of your skin after pursuing a healthy diet, changes that render you more pretty.

The Mail then treats us to a before and after photo showing this amazing revelation.

With chips and without chips

Now I know what you're thinking, that's just the same photo with the hue changed in photoshop. Well shame on you, this is science & tech we're discussing here, it says so on the Mail online header. There can be no doubt that this image was taken from that special camera Miss Cohen was banging on about earlier. Thinking differently makes you a science denier like one of those swivel eyed numpties who wear tin foil hats and insist God made Eve out of BBQ ribs or something.

Indeed a quick search of Medline allows you to find the original paper and here there are more revelations. Depending on the type of fruit or vegetable you indulge in you will enjoy a tiny, imperceptible, change in the colour of your skin. Now under normal circumstances this would not be noticeable to the naked eye, but luckily using the same camera as before you get these startling results.

Eat too many tomatoes and the Lycopene lends your appearance a rouge hue;

This is science, right here.

A diet rich in plums leads to a delicate pinkish glow;

Keep carrier bags away from children

And finally the king of fruits; lager. Picked from the thorny Anheuser Bush this tasty berry was a favourite of George Best and lent him his healthy yellow sheen.

Maggie Simpson grows up

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