It's a hard knock life

Liz Jones is obviously one of life's survivors, but every so often the big issues even get her down.

As a woman in her mid-fifties she's obviously seen a lot of the world and she brings all this life experience to one of the big issues. The oil industry.

There's many things to rail against when discussing petro-chemicals; the environmental impact in terms of spillages and climate change, the shady deals and corruption when dealing with tin-pot countries, the profiteering enjoyed by regularly reducing supply or even the excessive tax burden we suffer every time we fill up the car. Liz, being the brilliant journalist she is, manages to find a new angle to expose - People who work in petrol stations at four am don't treat her like a princess.

This is the worst thing that's happening in the famously vacuous woman's life at the minute. The fact that poorly paid people don't rush around and pander to her every whim in the middle of a freezing night is her main gripe, but if you (suffer yourself) read deeper into the article what starts to become apparent is that really she's a frightened confused lady.

The main event of the story is the fact she left her NatWest card in the garage and almost drove off without it. It's obvious this mental lapse is a little embarrassing for her and so she attacks the minimum wage earning attendants for not being more helpful and leaving their post to chase her out into the freezing night. This is like the deaf old woman berating you for not speaking loud enough when her hearing aid isn't turned on.

I also find it quite comic how older people have very particular names for things. Why she insists on calling it her NatWest card and not a debit card, or even just her card. We all have them and know what they are. It reminds me of how my Nan would always insist on calling the telly the colour TV.

"Put the colour TV on" she'd say as if there were a selection of TVs I could choose from.

Liz also had trouble finding the de-icer in the shop and had to get assistance to buy it. I think this is another point angering her, the world is getting a more confusing place to live in. At the minute she can't find occasionally used items in a small shop. How long before she can't find the bread isle in ASDA?

Unfortunately for Liz it seems the long decline into age induced senility has begun. It must be a frightening realisation and it means we can probably expect more stories from her on the bewildering complexities of the modern world. Next week's column from Liz "Why can't I get TENA lady to match my expensive handbag?"

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