Anyway even without my card I am fully aware of all the conspiracies we've currently got bubbling under; global warming, endangered species, mass immigration projects, human rights / health & safety for everyone and the scrapping of sports days across europe.
These strategies to achieve whatever it is we want - I'm only a silver member and so don't have access to the aim of my brothers & sisters, that's only accessible to gold members and I need to collect another 43,000 loyalty points before I'm upgraded - are determined by a top secret cabal of secretive leaders. Top secret, that is, until now.
American author Ben Shapiro has outed the politburo in his tome "Primetime Propaganda" and, according to his well thought out research, at the head of the table sits Big Bird.
Telling people what to do through their kids is the prime weapon in Big Bird's armour and he (or is it actually a she? Hard to tell) has successfully exported the technique to Blighty.
My own social and political views were cultured in the nurturing garden provided by Geoffrey, Bungle, Zippy and George. Their apparently chaotic and colourful escapades, while seemingly innocent to the casual observer, were in fact secret messages stressing the importance of fiscal and political cohesion through the European Economic Community and encouraging homosexuality for revolutionary purposes.