Wednesday, 3 October 2012

What does Jesus want?

An eternal question that has puzzled mankind (and Mary Magdalene) for hundreds of years is "What does Jesus want from me?" On the one hand he says love your neighbour and help the poor and on the other hand he threatened to set big angry dogs onto some fella's kids. Retribution Council estate style.

Safer than mocking a certain
other messenger from god
However if there's one thing we can be certain of he didn't want you to pour Chardonnay through a hosepipe stuck up your bum.

Alexandra Broughton - who whines on and on about not being gay - is deeply unhappy that police released details of his drunken bum fun with friends as it's unchristian, so much so that as soon as his lawyer can think of a reason he'll be suing them for laughing at him.

Too late Alex boyo - you said this is against God's law (It's somewhere near the back in the weird bit where the world's ending I assume) and he was watching. He knows what you do when you've got a tube, a copy of Men's health magazine, half a bottle of communion wine and some butter, and he's laughing about it with his mate Budda, in fact all the deities are pissing themselves at you.

Butt Chugger Alex Broughton
regrets God catching him in an
awkward moment

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