Daily Mail urges manhunt against black immigrants

Squirrel Nutkin lived in simpler times. Back in his day the worst he had to worry about were angry owls and stylish tails and then it all changed. The greys arrived from the west and ousted the gingers from their position of nutty dominance leaving them freezing their, er, nuts off in the far north or gazing at Harry Rednap's barbecues across the water in the south.

I can see Harry's
bangers from here

If this ethnic cleansing is to be avoided again it's important we heed the Daily Mail's not-racist-at-all rightly scaremongering headline.

Rampage!! Yes Rampage - these new Black squirrels - yeah that's right I said it they're black - are rampaging through this once red and now happily grey and peaceful land.

According to Rob Waugh these feral little beasts have been rampaging through Bedfordshire for a hundred years and have managed to stamp their mark on their home-turf a massive fifty miles in that time. Well no one said rampages had to be fast.

Yes, it is because he is black.

Of course just because it's the Daily Mail and they don't like darkies coming over here and stealing our nuts, living in our trees and expecting acorns to be handed out like candy there's no reason to believe this story has any racist undertones. Obviously were there a similar story about white squirrels there'd be just as much panic and fear and we'd all be charged to keep and eye on the slippery newcomers.

Ahhh isn't she cute?

She's so pretty and looks at herself in the mirror like a person. Ahhh and she doesn't want to get her paws on your nuts or smoke crack in an abandoned magpie nest. Looking at her just makes you feel safer eh? Not like them bad-boy-black squirrels...

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Tis the work of the devil

Vince Cable suggests taxing wealth instead of income and the Telegraph readers out him as Beelzebub by labelling the story with the mark of the devil.

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Bathed in blood

Shock shock horror horror professional teapot Lady Gaga bathes in blood to stave off militant vegetarians or something. It must be true respected journalist Lucy Buckland says so.

Lady Gaga tries out cross dressing

Let's look at Lucy's damning evidence for the satanic activities and then hunt down the mental American singer and dunk her in a pond.

So firstly was it blood?

Oh well never mind she did bathe in it didn't she?

Alright then so it wasn't blood and she didn't bathe in it, better take the witch dunker back to big yellow storage.

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Speedy Weegee

Some fantastic black and white photos from 30's & 40's photojournalist Weegee in the Mail today.

The sharp contrast gives a moody feel to the crime-ridden days of New York in the early 20th century and, as the Mail tell us, helped inspire Film Noir.

The headline informs us of his startling penchant for arriving at crime scenes before the police. This is beautifully illustrated by the accompanying photo of four policemen at a crime scene. I can only imagine he set up his camera and waited for them to arrive...

The Salvation Army stand guard until the
Rozzers arrive.

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