PM has too much time on his hands

The Prime Minister's, ever-so funny, outburst at a Labour front-bench harpy in PMQs today has lead to an inadvertent revelation that the man is obsessed with TV commercials.

His "Calm down dear" quip had him, and his chief fag Georgie Osborne, rolling in the aisles, so much so that he couldn't resist saying it over and over. What a laugh he is.

But c'mere - there's more (As his great hero Jimmy Cricket used to say) this isn't his first foray into the world of advertising slogans. Yesterday when making up some additional lies about AV he said

"It is a system that is so clear that it can be summed up in one sentence – we all vote for our favourite and the one with the most votes wins. Simples."


Before that in 2009 that he told an LGA audience to "Just do it" aping the world wide Nike adverts.


Of course his favourite and most famous example of advert borrowing was back in 2007 while talking about the dangers of immigration to a local Conservative association in Shropshire.


"There are of course both benefits and dangers to increased immigration from Africa, one only has to remember that they're so chocolatey they even turn the milk brown."


The daft racist.

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Sorcery

istyosty link

Moving pictures! What the hell type of witchcraft is this?  Time was if there was evil-woman-magic about some fucker would burn. I'll tell you what it is, it's PC 'Elf'n'safety gone mad. It's impossible to drown and then burn anyone nowadays, no matter how evil their intentions or devious their power.

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Man's house still near bus stop

North East Lincolnshire council nazis have astounded all reasonable tax payers by continuing with the madness that means one of their bus stops is still outside someone's house.

Disabled Mr Kent (and you know he's properly disabled and not one of those pretend disability allowance scroungers cos he's got a stick in the photo and not a bottle of cider) has been left exasperated at the council's 'completely illogical' use of yellow road markings to indicate where the bus stop is and always has been.

Mr Kent - known to locals as clockwork-Kenty - is unlucky in that it seems he's only capable of leaving or returning to his house at given 10 minute intervals which coincide perfectly with the number 14 bus timetable. Thus leaving him in the improbable situation where "...every time I want to go out or come back in there's a bus parked across my driveway"

Inflaming the situation for the 64 year old is the fact people wait at the bus stop - presumable for the bus - and have been doing so for fifteen years despite him banging on about it to the council.

I'll leave the final word on the situation to MB from Manchester who's answering bus-loving-communist Benny's earlier comment.

(Is there a non-story of the year award anywhere?) Tweet

Oh my giddy aunt

I'm not going to enter into a discussion about the science and risk associated with the report of cancer causing night lights, others are much better placed to discuss that area.

I'm not even going to mention the fact that they quote the Daily Express in the last paragraph quoting someone else. The laziness of Daily Mail staff is now becoming legendary.

I'd like to take this opportunity to paint a picture of your common or garden Daily Mail reader sat in his £350,000 semi in Esher.

He hates to be told what to do. It's as simple as that. His reaction to an order follows a well described process.

1) Indignation.
In a world where things are either right or wrong, black or white it's a harsh shock to suffer when someone tells you you are wrong. Even worse when it means you have to do something and worse still if it's done for the benefit of others. So when a Spanish Eurocrat dictates something for the benefit of future generations you'll boil with resentment.

What right does that foreigner have to tell a man of your life experience (You don't get to senior office manager by sitting on your arse, well you do but...) tell you what the right thing to do is. You know, you can feel it in your gut. Although it could well be the ulcer playing up - stress does bring the worst out of it.

2) Rebelling
If they were told not to put their cocks in a blender an onlooker would be deafened by the tuts and harumphs followed by the roar of a Kenwoods starting up.

3) Yeah but...
These edicts only ever affect you negatively. Everyone else in the world is either not affected or it's making their lot a little easier. The blender thing, oh don't get me started. Muslims circumcise their boys without anyone interfering for fear of upsetting them, but when I want to mutilate my genitals out come the PC brigade.

4) Ha, I was right all along!
This is a delayed reaction, but you can bet your ass it'll turn up. Somewhere - like the lanky, uncomfortable, too-clever-for-his-own-good teenager who proves to his maths class that actually 2+2 can equal 5 - out pops evidence that they were right all along. This reaction will prove almost anything, taxing the rich causes poverty, windmills murder birds of prey or banning fox hunting gives foxes the edge they need in the war against humans.

This is what we're seeing here in this lightbulb story. We've reached stage 4 of the process. Ban something I use will you, well I'll show you good when it's given me head cancer. Ha.

Drama Queens. Tweet

Isn't that your job Peter?

I think Peter Hitchens may have been taking journalism lessons from Richard Littlejohn. In his sunday rant he asks this rather random question.

This raises two points;

Firstly why does he think that taking antidepressants would lead to going mental in a shopping centre? Does he imagine that the 31 million prescriptions written every year for these drugs lead to an increase in psychotic rampages and has he any evidence of this? Although as he showed in his debate on second hand smoking over at Angry Mob his grasp of science is fragile to say the least.

Secondly, if he thinks prescribing antidepressants may be a contributing factor isn't it his job to find this out? I believe he's a journalist after all. Tweet

Fox News

It's been a while, I imagine the bushy-tailed fiend have been re-grouping, but the war goes on and the attacks have recommenced. Is no one safe?

While it's agreed "Something" must be done, the Mail's ideal final solution utilising drunk fatties in ill-fitting red coats on horseback may be about to be usurped.

Frank from Dublin may well have uncovered the ideal way to deal with this, frankly, terrifying threat.

Fox repellent stocks are being assessed by MAF as we speak and distribution centres will soon be established. Stay calm people, the end to this madness is in site. Tweet

You can prove anything with numbers

Theresa May - terrified of some of her conservative friends being voted out under AV (She's not too concerned for herself being MP for Maidenhead. They'd vote in Hitler's more-evil little brother if he wore a blue rosette. And he would.) has waded into the debate with some HARD FACTS.

Based on her assumption that the people she leads are in fact complete balloons she's stated that AV would disenfranchise voters who are too stupid to understand how to complete a ballot paper. She's even given us some numbers, 2,000,000 people are as thick as pig shit according to the Home secretary.

She's based this 2,000,000 numpties on an examination of the rates of spoiling of ballot papers in the UK and Australia where AV's used.

In the UK around 1% of ballot papers are spoiled, she tells us and who are we to dispute that. It's unlikely a politician would ever tell a fib. In Oz 2.8% of papers were spoiled. This unequivocally demonstrates just how hard it is to vote under AV, there's no other explanation possible.

There's absolutely no chance at all that there's a higher rate of spoiled ballot papers down-under because they have compulsory voting. It would be madness to imagine a scenario where someone who's pissed at having to vote (Or being a stereotypical Ozzie, just pissed) intentionally cocking it up by accident on purpose. No way could that explain the disparity in spoiled ballot paper rates, you'd be mad to think it could.

When I put this point to her Mrs May replied "How the hell did you get in my house? Get out now! I'm calling the police!" Ever the slimy politician avoiding the important questions.

Theresa prepares to be the first serving member
of the cabinet to go to the moon.

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